The First EP

by Toodles & the Hectic Pity

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price


  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    We have a new run of EPs. These ones are a slipcase made out of natural card, with a CD and insert. These are unique and totally different to our first run but still the same music, same artwork, and same love and dedication.

    We'll have a few of these at shows but this is a short run once again, so if you want one, buy one!


    Includes unlimited streaming of The First EP via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days

      £3 GBP or more 


  • The First EP (Limited Edition CD)
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Card case and CD (with handwritten label). Includes an insert with lyrics. The first run is gonna be a short one and it will have issue number written on the CD (i.e. 1/25).

    These will also be available at shows and at Inglefest. If you would like to reserve a copy for collection in person, contact us by email or twitter and we'll put one aside for you. If you have already ordered (by 10/07/2016) you will have one put aside for you and sent. *Any orders between now and Inglefest will be taken from leftover Inglefest stock as it lasts.* Any further orders will be delayed until our second printing (could be up to one month). The second printing may be using a different type of case.

    For tickets to Inglefest please see this link:!tickets/cq53

    We'll be there along with some of our favourite bands, and all the money goes into running costs! Please come along and if you do, come say hey and have a beer with us!

    Includes unlimited streaming of The First EP via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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The debut EP from Bristol-based Toodles & the Hectic Pity.


released July 15, 2016

Toodles & the Hectic Pity are

Callum McAllister - Vocals & acoustic guitar
Max Cole - Bass, vocals & melodica
Dom Mosley - Drums, vocals, banjo & melodica

Mixed and recorded by Adam Cook at "Usine d'Banger Studios".

Artwork by Eloise McAllister (instagram: @eloisemcallisterart).

Special thanks to:

Will Robson, Inglefest, & the Robson family for all their help and support (without which the band would not exist); Adam Cook; Eloise McAllister; and all our family and friends.



all rights reserved


Toodles & the Hectic Pity Bristol, UK

Toodles & the Hectic Pity are a DIY punk band from the countryside near Bristol.

"A nice combination of west-country folk with a Bristolian ‘fuck it’ attitude" - Punktastic

"Catchy songs and satirical lyrics" - Opinion Overload: the Bristol Music Blog

"The worst band name I've ever heard" - Anonymous Bristol Promoter
... more


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Track Name: Intro + I Do Not Need A Doctor (Oh My Dear)
So, get yourself immersed in the culture,
because you know that you’ve got no future, dear
You can sing all the right words,
But you’re always out of time and that’s why it hurts

So forget what you know, and all that you knew
And all the things that they’ve really wanted you to do
So get outside and stand in line
And live out your life dissatisfied

Oh My Dear
Your bones crack and your lips shake with fear and
Oh My God
They said why haven’t you got yourself a job and they say
Oh Jesus Christ
They’re tearing her apart slice by slice, it goes
Fucking hell
He burnt your boots and your ripped jeans as well

So you
Got yourself some new shoes and a new man
so now we can finally prove that you’re human and
you cry at all the right scenes
tick all the boxes in their magazines and they say
Isn’t this getting a bit too graphic
for your biography and for your biopic
blood will flow but it’s ok the camera pans out and fades away

over the city to where we met you,
Down in the river when we’d never forget you died
Your lungs fill up with oil but at least the media caught the bad side of you

My Dear
Your bones crack and your lips shake with fear and
Oh my god
They said why hadn’t she bought herself a gun and they say
Oh what a crying shame
your long hair caught alight on the gas flame
Oh fucking hell
he burnt your boots and your ripped jeans as well

And she says
"Repeat after me
I was not a piece of your broken machine
I do not need a doctor or mechanic
I was not a symptom of your moral panic
And these bones sing
like those girls who came before me"
And they will scream like dead men,
witches burn off their flesh
A sentence you can’t ignore when you’re lying in your grave
A vague sense of dread so early in the day but I guess they always said to you
You only win if you don’t play again
Track Name: The Tories & The Times
Does your brother know,
that you don’t go
where the people meant you to go?

'Cause they wove your breath out of beer and wine
but do they know that you go for
the Tories and the Times?

And they say it must get better,
well it fucking better – it fucking better
They say that statistically, realistically,
it’s not a possibility
that things will get better for me

And do you like this politician
he’s got filthy eyes
and he knows where your mother lies
he’s got your personal statement, your money and your time
you get knocked up by a wasteman and regret your whole life

well I guess that makes two of us

'Cause they say that it gets easier as you get older
well I beg to differ, there are some things that just get shitter,
you make a philosophy for the entire night,
cut it out at the root in the morning,

And they say it must get better but I don’t know whether
These are some storms that I can weather and
They say that it’ll get easier in time
I’ll be watching the clock until the morning
Track Name: Death, Divorce, & Separation (Unplugged)
Maybe when this is over
we can build ourselves a house
and finally get sober
and start to work things out

But I do not think relationships
Can make a house a home
So maybe you should get a husky
So you won’t feel so alone

And I said,

I can’t really get myself out of bed today
She says, All I can think is that’s how you’ll look when you are dead someday
No funeral blues or roads of devastation
All that I can think is that relationships end in death, divorce and separation

She says I’m bored I said you do not have to talk
All the living night, to keep yourself alive
And she says don’t you wanna dance with me?
I don’t really wanna move my feet
My anxiety makes me tremble and throws me off my game

But I still don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life
I guess I’ll be trying my fucking best not to die again

Maybe we could move to London but that won’t cure us now
I’ve got a fire in my belly that no English rain could put out
And me and Ben could write a comic book and we could put it out for free
And we’ll still be playing Inglefest until we are 43

And she says you can barely see, your hair is falling out in sheets,
Your entertainment formats are becoming obsolete
She says you’re Betamax and I’m a video player,
I was a free download but you’d pay for me later
Before our remaining funds trickle out

She says I still don’t know what I am gonna do
But I know this time next year I probably will not be with you
And I thought you didn’t wanna die by yourself
But I guess that even graves need space if they wanna work things out again