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Ghosts, Guilt & Grandparents

by Toodles & the Hectic Pity

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1.
Ducks 02:33
‘Cause I’ve been seeing things out of the corners of my eyes Deep in my peripheral vision every time I try to catch them in my sights I’ve been on jobseeker’s for the last few months Becoming familiar with stale bread and burning through all my funds ‘Cause I thought that, when I was younger, I would be a science-fiction author but Writing about spaceships ain’t gonna pay the rent this autumn I’ll be your last bad bet before you finally give up If you’re a frozen lake, then I’ll be a homeless duck I’ll be your last bad bet before you finally give in It’s a filthy habit that you’d do better than to quit Well I’ve got a friend in Alberta, who I deeply respect She’s training to be a divorce lawyer and planning to marry rich But I guess it is true: I guess I will probably die with you There’s a double coffin in the Atlantic Ocean that’s got room for me and you
2.
3.
There’s something in the air that’s been making me sick Spend all my nights just not sleeping A sense of it all crumbling down, the sour taste at the back of my mouth I’ve been saying so long for so long, I’ve been saying so long for so long And all of these thoughts they hang around for too long, and too long I wish the M5 was a mobius strip that I could ride out forever if I didn’t get stuck in traffic All the things I’d like to tell you just crumble up like dust in our attic room, We can sit and talk about our feelings over our family heirlooms, I miss them, too Because I am a plant growing towards an open window and I am the surface of a planet not for humans livable All of these thoughts they fly around like vultures picking at our vacant corpses and I try not to think about it, because if I think too much about it Then everybody that I see from my skylight don’t look too much like me And ever since you moved from your new home, I’ve been seeing in the walls ghosts Pretending to be familiar pieces of furniture when you’re not alone And I’ve been having visions of getting sick, I see the house that I might die in I see old fashioned furnishings, I see the objects you’ll be burdened with And I see myself spitting blood, I see myself on the verge of throwing up I see the skin falling off my bones like I can simply pull it off If the water gets hot enough If the water gets hot enough then maybe we could take a shower together In there we can talk much better. The sound of the falling water Reminds me that I have not had anyone to talk to And I feel alive, everytime that we talk I feel alive There is an empty home a couple of streets away from where you father was born And where you finally moved out and managed to escape. I try not to think about it. Because if I think too much about it Then everybody that I see from my skylight don’t think too much like me And ever since you’ve moved to your new home I’ve been seeing in the walls ghosts Pretending to be familiar pieces of furniture when you’re not alone And they surround you like overly curious but well-intentioned relatives Wide-eyed ask how it’s all been going. I don’t wanna talk about it.
4.
Sugarloaf 02:42
As soon as you were born here, before the sense of your feeling is lost All the things that you kept to yourself that were far too good to tell And I say that I will love you, I will love you for the rest of your life And everytime you start to fall asleep I see trees and planets collide And you wake up and make coffee for me So long waiting for you, I’ve been waiting for so long for you to get home, I’ve been waiting for so long for you to come back home There’s a place called suffering in the middle of the day that you just call to nine to five Every time you spend your whole night there you might as well call it your life Then you wake up and make coffee for me This lonely feeling starts to leave Bash my head against the wall until I feel happy Wake up and pull your trousers on And I haven’t felt this good in far too long ‘Cause it’s been far too long There’s a place where we start to talk to each other and you feel that I’m alive Everytime we start to talk to each other, I wonder if I’m gonna survive I’ve been waiting for so long for you to call me, I wonder if I might die alone And everytime we start to talk to each other, I wonder if I’m better on my own.
5.
Mountain Man 06:35
‘Cause you’ve been seeing ghosts crawling up the walls of your new home The way your grandfather walks, stumble over the words as he talks Holding your elbow as he moves from one side of the room to the window Holding your hand saying it’s ok not to have it planned Because look how I turned out, even if I wish I could start out from the beginning We’d be two children born alone in a wooded clearing Raised by wolves, not speaking human language. I can’t understand what you’ve been trying to say me. It’s crawling up the staircase as you watch, back to the back of your bedroom door Sweat creeping down the back of your neck to the carpeted floor Never expect to see the dead growing through your kitchen or your living room Knowing that dead people are watching you, and you will never be alone, and it will never be over. And I’ll move to the mountains, not see anyone and grow my hair long, and build a cabin with my bare hands. There are ghosts, guilt and grandparents that cling like dust to the curtains of your bedroom. I’ll take my chances with those horrible things that I said to you like healing isn’t a moment, it’s a process that we’ll go through together, and I know it’ll never be over.

credits

released February 7, 2020

Toodles & the Hectic Pity are

Callum McAllister: Vocals, Acoustic Guitar
Max Cole: Bass, Vocals, Synth
Dom Mosley: Drums, Vocals, Egg Shaker, Melodica, Tambourine

With trumpet from Danny Lester (www.iwanttrumpet.com)

Produced and mixed by Tim Rowing-Parker and recorded live at ActionTrack Studio, Taunton.

Mastered by Ed Hall, All Silk Mastering House.

Artwork by Fi Plummer. Instagram: @Evil_Twin_Tattoo

Layout by Kay Stanley.

All the thanks in the world to: Kay Stanley, Andrew Vivian Horne, Erica Freas & Rory Matthews; Iwan, Jen, & Pepper; Will Robson; Hannah Carter; Fi Plummer; Mam & Pap McAllister; Ellie and Jake McAllister and Ziggy the Lemon Boy; Claire, Tom & Ziggy Cole; Mama Mosley; Chris Fishlock; Harriet Elder; Tim Rowing-Parker; Steve Millar; Carl, Cath & Edith Shanks; Jeremy Pitcher; Adam Cook & Dan Canvin; Lydia Barnes; everyone at the Exchange; DIY Cardiff; Invisible Llama Music; The Inglefest Team; Jake & the Jellyfish; WOAHNOWS; Dogeyed; Austeros (RIP); anyone and everyone who has put us on in the last few years, come to see us, or sent us kind words;

and all of our grandparents.

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Toodles & the Hectic Pity Bristol, UK

Folk-punk-emo, three-piece from Bristol, UK. Toodles are Callum, Max and Dom. FFO The Mountain Goats, AJJ, NMH, life.

Get in touch : thehecticpity@gmail.com

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